Fucker the Snake

“Does Micah have a pet snake?” One of Micah’s care providers asked me yesterday when I was picking him up.


“No.” I said, with a slight look of confusion.


“Oh, he’s been talking about his pet snake all day.”


“He’s got a wooden snake that he got from the zoo but that’s as close to a snake as TJ will ever allow.”


“He said his snake’s name is ‘Fucker’” Darlene said.


“What?!” I was completely shocked. Surely she didn’t just say what I thought I heard. Her laughter answered my question.


After I got him all packed up and we were walking through the parking lot to the Jeep, I asked him what his snake’s name is. Sure enough, he looks at me and says “Fucker.” I just hoped TJ would think it was as funny as I did. I mean, he didn’t get it from us. I haven’t dropped the F-Bomb anywhere near him since he was born. I’m pretty sure he meant something else and couldn’t remember the word or was just pronouncing something else incorrectly.


I could hardly wait to see TJ’s reaction. As soon as we walked in the front door of the house, I asked Micah to tell her what his snake’s name is. Without missing a beat, he smiles and says “Fucker.” I thought TJ’s eyes would pop out of her head. She quickly says, “Pucker?” and Micah says “Yeah.” I asked him again a few seconds later and it was right back to “Fucker.”


When I dropped Micah off at school this morning, Emily, one of the teachers in Micah’s old room, was behind the front desk. She had heard about Micah’s snake and couldn’t help laughing. So now he’s notorious. We asked him what his snake’s name is and he just smiled but didn’t answer. I suggested his name is “Slither” and he said “Yeah!”

I hope that’s the name that sticks. But it’s not nearly as funny.

3 thoughts on “Fucker the Snake

  • June 20, 2007 at 8:04 am

    That is my nephew… hahahah…

    But it wasn’t me who taught him that… I blame Chuck for showing Dillon that cartoon… and then Dillon told Micah… But it all falls back to Fuck… I mean Chuck.

  • June 20, 2007 at 10:35 am

    Dic… I mean Nic sucks.

  • June 25, 2007 at 7:23 am

    oooohhh, hilarious! How did you not laugh out loud? I am and my co-workers are wondering what my problem is.

    Back in the day my sister would call a dump truck a dumb F*ck. And a younger cousin would call a stick a dick. As most little kids would do, we would grab a stick and say look how big my stick is and he would grab a bigger wone and claim that his dick was much bigger.

Comment if you want. You know, no pressure.

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