I’m not quite sure why I’ve been packing on the weight. I mean, I haven’t run in a few weeks but I’ve not altered my diet much and didn’t run enough to make that much of a difference. But, lordy, my body is certainly bigger. From my knees to my shoulders.
I’ve got to say, I don’t like it at all. I’m feeling my clothes on my body in a way I’ve never felt them before. Not to be too graphic but I can feel parts of my torso touching that have never touched before and I hate it. I find myself obsessing about how my body looks and feels – more than ever before. And don’t think I’ve gotten on the scale in more than a month because that isn’t happening. Not today, anyway.
Food has been an issue for me for many, many years. I’m a compulsive eater. I think about food all the time. I eat when I’m bored, happy, sad, depressed, anxious – pretty much all the time. And if I’m not eating, I’m thinking about eating or food or what I should be eating instead of what I am eating or how I can alter the foods I choose for my family or what I should get for more healthy snacking at work. I sit in a cubicle for 8.5 hours a day and tend to munch on sunflower seeds in the shell or suck on hard candies or keep fruits and veggies for snacking on. Some aspect of food and eating is on my mind very often. More now than in the past, because of how I’m feeling about my body.
One thing is certain, I’m super unhappy and need to make that change. My buddy Erin and I are starting up at the YMCA next week. She’ll be doing, primarily, swimming but I’m looking forward to weights and the elliptical. I’m hoping that, eventually, I’ll be able to get TJ onto the racquetball court but we’ll see.
I need someone close by to help me. I’ve got great friends who try to keep me accountable but they live far away. I need someone that will be royally pissed off if I don’t show up at the gym when I said I was going to because she’s waiting there. I think Erin and I will be good for each other.
It’s going to be tough as far as time goes since I’ll be working out at 7pm but I don’t have any other times that work. And Erin works until 6:30, so there’s that. But I’m looking forward to it. And dropping some of my rolls. That’s right, this bakery is closing!