Yep, it was six years ago today that TJ and I flew to Toronto and got married. We had a fantastic time. And I also think it was the last time we went anywhere overnight without Micah. I blame it on the dogs…
Anyway, the occasion of our wedding anniversary fills me with mixed emotions. I’m happy to still be married to my lovely wife and still very much in love with her after so many years. I’m grateful that she sees me for the person I truly am and not just the person others see. I’m lucky to have this wonderful person to share my home and family with and couldn’t imagine my life without her. Without her stubborness and snoring, yes, without her love, no.
But there are other emotions that I also experience when I think of my marriage. I feelÂ angry because my union is not recognized legally in my home state and country. I am enraged that people I don’t know and whoÂ my relationshipÂ has no impact on feel that they can debate the validity of my marriage, of my partnership, of my love and family. I feel betrayed by a country that took 6 years of my life in service and continues to take my money through taxes and refuses to treat me as a full citizen with all the benefits I deserve.
One of my best friends tried to make me feel better by telling me that the people who are working to keep full marriage rights from same-sex couples are really miserable people who hate instead of love. Or something close to that. I don’t remember exactly because I was too mad to listen to that crap. I don’t care why they’re doing it – they have no right to curtail my rights as an American citizen! Entering a civil contract with another concenting adult is not the business of the masses – it’s private! GRRRR!
So, as I celebrate my Canadian marriage which is recognized in some states but not mine and not by our federal government, I want you to think about how lucky you are if you’re heterosexual. Think about all the hoops you DON’T have to jump through to take care of the business of being a family. Think about how you’ll never be barred from visiting your spouse in the hospital or denied the right to make medical decisions for him or her or worry that your child may be taken from you should your partner die because you’re not the biological parent. Be grateful for what you have been given, not through any fight or political battle but simply because you’re relationship is deemed worthy because of your sex.
I think sometimes we forget about the little things that are all rolled up into what comes with being legally married. There’s more of a difference between civil unions, domestic partnerships, and marriage than most people realize.
So, take my rant for what it’s worth. I’m thrilled and proud to be married to my wife and I don’t want to overshadow that with my other feelings. Not today. Today I want to bask in the love that I feel for her. And I do feel so much love for her. I hope I’m always able to make sure she knows what she means to me.
Happy anniversary, sweetheart!