It’s 20 mintutes after 1:00 and I’m still wide awake. Had three glasses of wine and still can’t slow my mind down. I’ve spent most of today looking through pictures of my nephew, Kamonie. He drown on Monday. He was going to turn 13 next month. I don’t want to imagine what my step-sister and her husband are going through. I look at Micah and my heart feels like someone is ripping it out of my chest. How does a mother or father move past the loss of their child?
We told Micah a couple days ago and I know that he didn’t understand. He covered his eyes and lay down on TJ’s chest and lay quietly for a few minutes. I told him that we will answer any questions he has or be here for him if he wants to talk. He said he understood but we know that he didn’t. He’s too young to know what “died” means. His only exposure to “dead” is from World of Warcraft. Not really anything that gives him the tools to comprehend that his oldest cousin is gone from his life forever. Micah doesn’t understand the concept of forever.
I still can’t believe that he is really gone. I have so many feelings and thoughts going through my head and I have to keep reminding myself that it’s ok to let them come. No matter what they are, they’re my subconscious’ way of helping me to deal with the tragedy.
I need to try to sleep now. We’re going to the museum later this morning. We promised Micah that we were going to go yesterday but didn’t make it. Although we haven’t talked about it, I think we both feel bad about making plans with Micah where we’re going to focus on having fun because a member of our family is gone.
My heart goes out to Charama and Ron and Monica and everyone else who Kamonie Slade touched. My heart still isn’t ready to believe he’s gone.
If you want to know more about what happened, click here and search for “Kamonie Slade”
Kamonie, you are so loved and so missed