BC #2 – originally posted 10/7/03

It’s beginning to sink in that our lives are about to change beyond all recognition. I had a mini panic attack last night while paging through the latest “Fit Pregnancy” magazine. I don’t know if it was all of the articles about what not to do, what to do, what not to buy, what to buy, what to eat, or what not to eat, but I was feeling extremely overwhelmed. I was also angered by the fact that all of the models in the magazine were skinny and gorgeous, with only a perfectly round belly behind skin-tight clothes. I thought it was horrible considering most pregnant women already have issues with their changing and growing bodies without having to compare themselves to the petite mothers in the Weider publication.

There are so many aspects of parenthood that I have always understood, but now I’m starting to personalize them. Anabel, our dear little sister, brought up that we’ll not be able to go out that much, if ever. That part doesn’t bother me. If anything, the baby’s just a better reason to stay home. I’m not much for going out and partying anyway. I think that part will bother TJ more than me. I’m sure she’ll have some “girls’ night out” events. She’s already put me on notice. I don’t think I’ll mind, though. I trust our friends to make sure she’ll get home in one piece. Although, I’m not sure they’ll be able to keep her out of bar fights! We’re a rowdy crowd. Well, actually, we’re a pretty mellow crowd; there are just a few party animals. I don’t want to name names, but Stephanie, Sara and TJ need someone responsible around whenever they’re together and alcohol is involved. I suppose as long as Lisa and Anabel are with them, everything will be all right. At least between them it should be possible to raise bail money.

My real concerns have to do more with the amount of responsibility and energy involved in raising a child. I know some people my age that are already grandparents, and we’re just having our first child. Deep down I know that TJ and I are going to be great parents. We’re mature enough to know what’s right and wrong in the way of childrearing and patient enough to deal with the worst behavior calmly. At least that’s what we’re telling ourselves. I can already hear all of those seasoned parents out there snickering.

I think that being a mother will be the most rewarding experience of my life. I know that this is something that TJ has dreamed of since she was a little girl. I’ve always wanted to have children be a part of my everyday life, but knew that I didn’t want to give birth to any. I’m a huge chicken when it comes to pain. I don’t care how many women share their stories of childbirth and how the pain is immediately forgotten. I don’t really believe that, because I’ve heard some hellacious stories over the past month or so. Told with such intensity that everyone in the room, including other mothers, cringed. I’m thinking the pain is still there – somewhere – lurking, just waiting to be unleashed upon someone. I hope TJ gets all the drugs she can during labor and childbirth. I don’t want to be the target of any latent memories. She’s already warned me that I’m still responsible for this and I won’t be escaping any of the harsh treatment usually reserved for fathers in the delivery room. I don’t argue, I just smile and tell her that I love her. See, I’m learning already.

Comment if you want. You know, no pressure.

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