Press One Press Two Press Three by Taiko

For an appointment you must wait here after pressing one. For an appointment within the next 90 days, press a button to talk with a computer that will send you to a person that gives you a phone number to talk to a computer that tells you to press one to give your social security number press two to leave a personal message for someone you do not know press three to give your height and weight to someone who does not care press four to go back to the beginning and be disconnected. To have your appointment made in a language you cannot understand you must take three busses and walk two blocks through broken glass to a hot waiting room where the names of people you do not know are called out for several hours. To have your name called, you must come back tomorrow between the hours of 3 and 6. To take off from work during the hours of 3 and 6 press 5 for a language you do not speak or press 4 to hear a message that explains you have 0 hours available to take off from work. Between the hours of 3 and 6 meet 2 people that seem friendly and took the same 3 busses and walked the same shard-paved streets. The mother and her young son each give you a half smile while you explain the hours you wait. You have made an appointment after three days and your name is called after 2 and a half hours. The doctor that calls your name repeats it 5 times because you barely recognize it in his foreign mouth. The mother’s son must go with you to interpret the words and numbers and all of the ominous discoveries of your body. To pay for your appointment, you must hand the receptionist 10 dollars but you have only brought 3.50 to use for the busses. They will send you a bill within 14 days that must be paid within 30 days. If it has not been paid after 90 days, you will be reported to all 3 credit agencies. To forget the 50 problems your body has and the 3 daily pills you are now required to take, you buy with your bus money 2 cans of malt liquor and walk 43 blocks, singing. To make an appointment with the non-profit agency that gives out bus tickets, dial 7 digits, press 0 for an operator, wait 11 minutes to discover you have missed the application deadline by 6 days. Here are three other numbers you can try. One of the numbers is for the clinic from which you just came. Four messages from the boss asking why you haven’t shown, and, don’t bother showing tomorrow and press 7 to erase or 9 to save.

Press 7 to erase or

9 to save.

4 to repeat.

8 to terminate this call.

Comment if you want. You know, no pressure.

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