Buildin’ an Ark by Erin

So, Cheri just pointed out to me that it may be the end of the days.  Think about all the catastrophic events we’ve had lately.  As I write this I am stuck in my bedroom, working from home because the roads by my house are all flooded from the torrential rains we’ve had.  The rivers in Wisconsin are at the highest they have ever been on record, Lake Delton is a goner and last weekend they were canoeing down Humboldt Avenue in Milwaukee!  The winter completely sucked, with more snow than we knew what to do with and George Bush is still in office-all indicators that the world is going to hell in a hand basket, as my Grandma Barb would say.  

So what’s a girl to do?  Ignore the signs that the end is near?  Keep worrying about my dead end job and the shitty leadership in the country?  Not me, my friend-I’m building an ark!  Shit, it worked for Noah so I’m thinking about giving it a whirl.  Mind you I can’t hang a shelf without it being crooked but I’m going to build a damn ark and if you want to be on it I must share who and what I am NOT letting step foot on my ark.  The list of those people and things not allowed on my ark reads like this:

 

• No republicans (if you are one you best change your ways or you’re drowning)
• No men in speedos (cause that’s just nasty)
• No racists, bigots or those who are assholes in general (there went at least half the population-and all the politicians)
• No june bugs (ewe!)
• Guns
• Child molesters
• My old roommate Noah, cause he owes me money
• Tube tops & half shirts
• Mullets (sorry Cheri)
• Thieves
• Skinny people (Ill let on some skinny people but no one that can eat whatever they want and still stay skinny)
• Rush Limbaugh
• Anyone with a “marriage equals one man and one woman” bumper sticker…you’re all assholes
• Rice cakes
• Terrorists
• Meanies-(definition: those who pick on others, do mean things, again-assholes in general)
• Joey from the 5^th grade cause he called me a fattie on the play ground
• Bad breath
• Drugs, other than those that come from the ground (ie-no coke, meth, heroin-the hard stuff that screws up good peoples lives)
• Ear wigs (they have those pinchers-doesn’t that gross you out!?)
• Ignorance, hatred, anyone that exhibits any of these tendencies while on board goes over the side

 

I’m sure there’s more-what people/things would you all refuse from your ark?  Help me form my utopia!