Damn, it feels good to be a fattyâ€¦â€¦â€¦..Â
You know that part in the movie Office Space, when the white guy is listening to the, â€œdamn it feels good to be a gangster,â€ tune?Â Thatâ€™s how I feel today.Â Iâ€™m sitting in my cubicle thinking, â€œDamn, it feels good to be a fattie.â€Â My work is sponsoring this â€œBiggest Loserâ€ contest, where the team that loses the biggest percentage of weight wins a hefty amount of cash.Â Now, we all know that I make shit for money so a little cash initiative is just what I need to go from a biggins to a beauty.Â
The sweet thing is, Iâ€™ve never had so many people try and recruit me for a team effort before.Â I had people coming out of the woodwork, practically begging me to be on their team, simply for the reason that fatties got more to lose!Â I finally narrowed down the choices and decided to stick with my department co-workers, Team Quality (we work in the QM department, hence the name).Â Today we go down for the big weigh-in and I look at my teammates.Â My boss is tiny, not overweight at all.Â My other two co-workers on the team donâ€™t have a whole lot to lose either!Â Shit, Iâ€™m going to have to carry this team!Â Why didnâ€™t all the fatties band together?!Â We could have dominated!Â I step on the scale with Mable, the 110 lb. nurse and I mumble under my breath that I have lost about 5 lbs. since I weighed myself two weeks ago.Â I almost fell over when Mable and her co-workers burst into applause over my 5 lb. loss as if Brett Favre had just come out of retirement!Â Seriously, I thought Mable was going to go down she was so excited!
So now itâ€™s just me, my bland turkey patty lunch and so much water that I feel like I could literally fuckinâ€™ explode, (sorry for the language, dieting makes me cranky).Â And letâ€™s not start on the exercise!Â Other than sex, no exercise is enjoyable-and letâ€™s be honest, the sex lasts about 5 minutes, (anyone who says otherwise is lying, Iâ€™m not talkin about fore-play, I mean actual thrusting).Â I just went walking with Cheri for about 25 minutes but per my size I should be working out at least 45 minutes a day.Â Perhaps Iâ€™ll take my fat Chesapeake Bay retriever for a walk-Max loves to walk.Â All in all, being a fattie today isnâ€™t so badâ€¦â€¦