Twenty Five is Silver

Posted on by
3

Twenty five years ago tonight, TJ and I were registered at the Harborside Inn. We were in San Diego getting ready to report to the movement center to begin our tour of duty in Okinawa, Japan. TJ would reach her 19th birthday in less than a week and we decided to see a bit of the city before heading to base.

We had spent a few weeks in Colorado together before heading to California. I remember flying in to Denver from Jacksonville North Carolina to meet TJ and her grandfather, who passed away many years ago, at the airport. I had fallen desperately in love with TJ months before while we were both in admin school, stationed at Camp LeJeune. There are a lot of stories there but I’ll leave those for another time.

Anyway, TJ and I had grown to be good friends. I felt that she was my best friend but I knew she didn’t feel the same way about me. I was full of confidence then so that didn’t bother me. I knew it was only a matter of time before she understood that I meant what I said about loving her and wanting her and she would fall in love with me and we would live happily ever after. I knew it.

Well, I may have known it but my girlfriends and boyfriends and her boyfriends didn’t know it. I was just barely 18 years old and on my own for the first time. I drank and had sex like a crazy woman. TJ dated a couple of guys seriously and was always there to get me out of trouble. She was a Goddess in my eyes. There was nothing she couldn’t do and she would bend over backwards to help anyone. She’s still like that. I’m always so worried that people will take advantage of her kindness. But she doesn’t worry about it so I’m learning not to worry about it either.

Anyway, after school was over, we both received orders to the same place. I took it as a sign that we were meant to be together. I don’t know what TJ took it as. She didn’t really talk much. Still doesn’t. It was just before Christmas, 1986 and I couldn’t afford to go home. TJ took off for Colorado and most of our other friends went to see their families before heading to their first duty stations. I stayed in a trailer with a friend of mine, Terry, who was in school with us. Terry was a great guy and a good friend. He and a few other people, all of whom were very aware of how I felt about TJ, chipped in and bought me a ticket to Colorado. I called TJ and asked her if it was all right for me to come and stay with her at her family’s home. Generous, as always, she said I could.

I remember eating at TJ’s grandparents’ house and how nice they were to me. I remember meeting a few of her high school friends and drinking beer with them in a small bar in the small town that she’d lived in. I remember meeting her father, step-mother number 2 or 3, I think, her brothers, and her sister. But most of all, I remember laying next to her in bed every night, her head on my chest, my arm around her shoulder, and me asking her if she loved me yet. Her answer was always the same, “not yet. Ask me tomorrow.” I would kiss the top of her head and hold her through the night. She would sometimes cry on my shoulder but would never tell me why. I hoped I knew but never asked. I just held her close and hoped that she would feel the love I felt for her.

The night of January 13th, 1987, we arrived in San Diego and chose a hotel room instead of a Marine barracks. We played by the pool, each of us wearing boxer shorts and t-shirts because we didn’t have swimming suits. We had food and decided to see what was on the TV. Our room was small with a single, queen sized bed. Gone With The Wind was on, a film I’d seen so many times but never really understood apart from the obvious romance, and we were on the bed. TJ was sitting in the middle of the bed with her legs folded, feet tucked under her knees and she told me that I could lay my head in her lap.

This was an odd request because she’d never really invited that sort of intimacy. I wasn’t going to pass it up so I lay my head down and she immediately began to stroke my hair and I don’t think I’ll ever forget how magical it felt. She has such a soft touch. I can still feel the shivers it sent down my spine. We both stared at the television screen but neither of us saw a thing.

In the wee hours of January 14th, 1987, we began our life as a couple. That was it. There was no dating and no discussion; it just was. And it has been ever since. We’ve gone through separations and struggled with addictions. We’ve broken up and reunited. We have a family now, our beautiful son has changed our lives and our relationship. It’s not been easy but it’s been wonderful.

I love my wife more today than I ever thought I could on that cool, California night so long ago. I didn’t know what love could be then. I knew that I felt an incredible connection with the strong, quiet woman that everyone liked. She was bashful and shy and I just knew she would make my life complete. And she has.

Bucket List

Posted on by
Reply

Making a list of things I want to do before I die has never been something I’ve thought about. I don’t think so, anyway. I’m listening to a story on one of the podcasts I listen to regularly, Snap Judgment, and I’m nearly in tears. A young woman who was diagnosed with breast cancer and, later, passed away from brain cancer made a list of things she wanted to do. Her fiance is working for finish up her list.

Of course, listening to some of the things that she wanted to do made me think of what I want to accomplish before I kick the bucket. Hmmm, I’m going to assume that’s why it’s called a “bucket list.” There’s even a website where you can post your list and look at the lists of others. Is there nothing you can’t find on the interwebz?

So Sleepy

Posted on by
1

I was going to blog yesterday but didn’t get around to it. I thought about it so that counts for something, right?

I was feeling great yesterday until about 1pm. I felt myself getting irritable and stressed out. I sat back and tried to figure out what was going on but I didn’t have any pressing projects and no one was bugging me so there was no reason for me to feel anxious or upset. Then it hit me – I was exhausted.

The night before was spent tossing and turning and fighting for space with the dog. I know what you’re saying, “kick the damn dog off the bed!” And normally, I’d agree with you. This particular dog doesn’t move when kicked or shoved. If he’s locked out, he barks and/or howls. It’s usually easier just to adjust my body and get on with sleeping. Unfortunately, I couldn’t get comfortable. The situation was made worse by my wife’s inability to sleep so we both moved all over the place and neither of us finding a good position for sleep. The only solid sleep being had in our room that night was enjoyed by the dogs. I hate them.

Triggers

Posted on by
Reply

As part of my stress reduction quest, I need to try to identify things that set me off. Maybe instead of using “stress reduction” I should use “stress/anger reduction” because anger is how my stress usually manifests itself. And an angry me is not a nice thing to be around. Just ask my son, my wife, or some of my co-workers. More often than not, they haven’t done anything to deserve being unloaded on so I need to work on it.

A perfect example of stupid things that set me off happened last night. We decided that we’d order Pizza Hut to commemorate the final day of Winter Break. I ordered online and immediately called the store back afterward because it was going to take three hours to deliver. That wasn’t going to work. I called, cancelled the order, and got replacement food from Dominoes. All is right with the world. Until an hour later when Pizza Hut calls to let me know that they’re ready to deliver. I told them I called and cancelled the order and wanted to make sure my credit card wasn’t going to be charged. The guy I spoke to couldn’t help so he transfered me to the manager who then cancelled the order. I was ticked off because they hadn’t done it when I called. Which I really shouldn’t have been because, honestly, it just wasn’t that big of a deal. But I got progressively angrier when the manager wanted to argue about why it wasn’t done the first time. I knew I shouldn’t have been mad but I couldn’t shake it. Once I’m mad, it’s hard to pull it back. I eventually ended the call and felt even worse for my irrational behavior when TJ asked me if they hadn’t planned on cancelling the charge. I told her no, they took care of everything. She said something like “well, they made a mistake and corrected it, no big deal.” Of course, that just made me feel even worse.

I spent a few hours thinking about why I was so mad and I’ve come to the conclusion that I just wanted the guy to admit that they’d made a mistake and he wouldn’t. I think if I’d heard the words, “you know, we messed up but it’s fixed now,” I would have been able to smile, say “that’s ok, no big deal,” and went on about my business. But I couldn’t let it go. Silly, right? Yep, it was and it ate at me all night. I’m sure it didn’t make the guy I spoke to feel very good either.

This is the type of situation that I want to avoid in the future. If I could have just stopped for a few seconds, let the red I was seeing part just a bit, the conversation – and my night – would have gone a lot differently. Now I need to recognize this in the future and have the strength to take a breath and see the situation for what it was – not a big deal and something I should have just shrugged and moved on from.

Speaking of triggers, my son shot himself in the eye yesterday with a Lego projectile. He was looking at the creature he had created and accidentally set the launcher off – into his eyeball from about 4 inches away. This thing shoots across the room so I know it hit hard. He screamed for a solid 15 minutes. He finally calmed down, assured us that he could see, and curled up into my lap to read some Percy Jackson.