Yesterday’s mood started when I became irritated at work. Totally manageable and I felt better once I got in my car and headed out to pick Micah up. I got home and immediately got on the treadmill for a run – which went very well and I was super happy with myself. But about an hour after that, I was completely overwhelmed by a few different situations and tried to shake them. I thought I had done a good job but then more stuff piled on and I felt like my head was going to explode with negativity and frustration. I’m still struggling with that now and hoping that purging here will help.
Truly, there’s nothing in my life to feel stressed or upset about. Most everything is pretty damn good. As I’m typing this, I’m reminding myself that I need to focus on the positive. Focus on love and generosity and maintaining strong relationships with those I care about. I tend to work at removing negative people from my life and it can be very difficult to stay positive myself. Sometimes I do a much better job than others. These past few days have certainly been tough but I feel a little lighter just having written these few words.
Perhaps a short list of things I’m grateful for will help me to stay focused on the good in my life. These are not in any particular order. Feel free to add your own if you like.
- My wife because she knows me inside and out – better than I know myself in some ways – and she never wavers in her love and support of me.
- My son because he is a sweet, loving, and generous soul.
- My brother because we have a connection that I’ve never felt with anyone else. We didn’t really grow up together but the environment that we came up in seems to have made us nearly identical emotionally. I can share anything with him and know that his love for me will never change and he will never judge me harshly – even for my most terrible thoughts.
- Nikki for pretty much the same reasons as my brother. Except for the shared childhood experiences part.
- Andy because she loves me and forgives me when I’m in a bad emotional place when I email her.
- My forum family who has taught me that normal-ish, drama averse people really do exist on the internet. They have become my favorite, dysfunctional family ever. I never thought there would be a small group of people – from all over the world – who I would laugh and share things with nearly every day. These folks truly have become my family and I love them dearly. We’ve laughed and cried and had disagreements and grown to be very important to each other.
- People like Bev Prescott and Pixiey and a few others who I can always count on to give me an emotional boost when I need it. Some people are so good and wonderful that they just seem to glow. Bev is one of those and I’m so lucky to have gotten to know her. I’m terrible with communicating and staying in touch with people – I’m usually too concerned that I’m bothering someone to reach out – but I know that Bev and Pix will always reply if I need them. And I hope they know that I feel the same about them.
I’m feeling much better now. There are many more people and things that I should be listing but I’m feeling all full of love and gratitude now. I think I’ll go spread a smile or two to those around me.
Thanks, once again, for being a witness to my therapy!